Miller February 2025 Update
I’ve decided to try writing the end-of-the-month blog post earlier in the month to keep up. This is quite difficult because it requires my brain to "switch tracks," which takes time, effort, and energy. Much of what we struggle with on a regular basis… rarely do all three align.
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Update: I started writing this on the 28th and was able to return to it on the 6th. Starting ahead didn’t work this time—I wasn’t able to edit and publish until the night of the 8th.
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This month has been particularly challenging as we approach the end of winter. The planet itself remains cold until a certain stage of the sun cycle warms it enough to counteract the lingering ground chill. (Crazy, isn’t it?) We’re both extremely sensitive to the cold, combined with high altitude, it makes breathing difficult. We have two humidifiers running just to keep our hands from cracking open every few hours. Even while staying inside with our heat set to 80 degrees, we’re still struggling—not only physically but also mentally, as we fight to stay present and avoid dissociating.
This happens frequently since our building is terrible at retaining heat. About two feet in from any window or door, there’s an icy draft seeping in, significantly shrinking our usable space at home for most of the day.
But this has been our reality for over four years now. The adjustments we can make only go so far.
So while we stay inside, we’ve been looking for new content creators on YouTube. I started writing that blog post on the 25th and got it to the point where it just needed editing and submission. It’s now March 8th, and I won’t have time to look at it for another day or so. Let’s see when it finally gets published!
I just wanted to get back to sharing some awesome content and creators we’ve discovered—hoping others can enjoy them too.
We don’t like YouTube, but we also struggle with change. The pattern and familiarity help keep us stable and sane. Yet, even within that, we still seek some novelty. That alone is a huge step for us—coming from someone who needed to have all three seasons of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody playing nonstop in the background for eight months just to manage stress.
Thank you, John, for putting up with my constant rewatching of one of my favorite childhood shows for about 240 days straight. That period helped me feel the edges of my stress levels, making it easier to recognize and address them. By that point I was even getting annoyed at the repetition I was forcing on us.
These small things really highlight the differences between Autism (and ADHD) and neurotypical experiences. On top of that, we’ve had to make additional adjustments due to:
Physical pain
Insomnia
PTSD
Frequent trauma flashbacks
Time-blindness
Sensory sensitivities
We’ve worked with dozens of medical professionals to ensure the steps we’re taking are beneficial for our unique situation.
And so far—we’re proving that our choices are working!
Much of this will be reflected in the stories we’re writing. The deeper we go into trauma therapy, the more we realize how detached we are from people who barely even know how to spell trauma. Our perspectives and experiences could be both fascinating and informative for those around us. I’ve finally managed to encourage John to start sharing his story, which is a huge step forward for both of us.
A Note on Writing & Trauma
Writing everything down means revisiting traumatic events. We haven’t fully processed everything we’ve been through, so pieces of this book are being added as we reach those points in therapy—within a controlled setting and with a trained professional. This will be an extremely draining period, so at home, we’ll be resting and taking it easy. We anticipate that most of this year will be spent in this writing phase.
At this moment, even John is writing more than I am, which is weird considering I’ve been pushing him to write since we met. So, after eight years, now he’s overtaking me. Funny how we swap skills—but rarely at the same time. You may get to read his book first!
For me to switch into writing mode, I need to be able to dissociate for several uninterrupted hours—something that doesn’t happen until my second full day within a three-day span with no responsibilities. I hate how specific this is, but after 20 years of training or disciplining myself—forcing myself to conform to others’ ideas of what should work—this has been the most consistent and least painful approach. Especially if I have to take breaks to cry.
I see it as an oddly shaped puzzle piece representing who I am and how I function. Sure, I could shave down the edges to make it look like everyone else’s… but then wouldn’t that ruin my puzzle? (Didn’t mean to slip into an “Autism-puzzle piece” analogy there, but it just fit too well.)
Now that we’re in March, we finally feel like we’re not stumbling quite as much from the previous months! That’s only because we’re intentionally keeping our schedule as open as possible to adjust based on our health. Especially since my work periods can shift to 12 AM–6 AM for a few days each month—then I have to make the strenuous adjustment back to a daytime schedule. I have no idea why this happens, but it’s been consistent for almost a year now. Another thing interfering with my sleep.
Sometimes, I also have to sleep during the day, collapsing from exhaustion at 1 PM for four hours. I haven’t had Medicaid to see any medical professionals for help of these changes, so for over six months to a year now, I’ve just had to manage with whatever sleep I can get.
So enough of that, what did we manage to accomplish in February?
ATCs!
Artist Trading Cards! With everything going on, I’ve had less energy to focus as much in this direction. I’m also trying to shift my approach and preparation to create a year with less stress than the last—while still maintaining the same level of excitement and creativity.
The craft groups will follow more general themes unless I come across materials or inspiration that spark something new.
We are also starting another Christian Craft Group to explore different parts of the Bible. There is so much imagery and so many surprising discoveries that we hope to gather like-minded, crafty followers to dig deeper. We’ll also be discussing the proper meanings and definitions of various aspects—based on what the Bible actually says, not just what someone may have told you.
It can sound a bit strange when people say, “God speaks to you through the Bible—making it alive in that it reveals who you are, where you come from, how you were designed, and where you will go.” But the craziest part? It’s true.
You can read most of the Bible, and nothing might click. But then, there will be that one verse—the one that makes your insides drop, click, feel winded, pulled… something physically impacts you internally, connecting things only you would understand. How can a single verse suddenly make so much sense to you in your specific situation?
That’s how the conversation with God goes. You read, seeking that feeling—that message meant for you. How exciting is that? It’s something I’ve personally been passionate about, and it has helped me throughout my life.
When person after person betrayed or abandoned me—when the truths they told me turned out to be lies to fit their own agendas—the Bible remained unchanged.
The Bible has never been wrong. Not in my 24 years of seeing, testing, and waiting for some contradiction to appear. It has remained consistent, beyond human fragility and weakness—because its story is told through our fragility and weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. That is why, for the sake of Christ, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Yes, this is my personal experience, but John would echo the same sentiment through his own life journey. It's weird I wrote all of this a day before encountering someone who tried to state that their few months of studying certain psychological/theological things surpassed my experience and understanding that I have held onto with every breath since I was 11. Growing and expanding every year as I challenged it from different angles in those specific areas. (I was not good nor cared for much else) I have been proven weak in every area of life I have attempted with my own human strength. With no human around I could trust or rely on, and with my trust in myself so thin with the fears of disassociation...who else could I rely on but one who is consistent outside of myself?
As you can see, we struggle with health issues daily—and always have. We are weak. We embody weakness in an overwhelming way. Yet, we continue moving forward—not by our own strength, but by someone greater.
After all, reading everything we go through, seeing everything we endure… you would likely come to the same conclusion we have:
"How are we even still going—let alone moving forward?"
I have had two mottos in life that have driven me for at least a decade:
“I’ll turn my weaknesses into strengths. Just watch me.”
→ I tried to do everything on my own—worrying and stressing about things far beyond my control. I felt like I had to do everything perfectly and meet a certain standard to be acceptable. I was always surrounded by people who seemed to do everything better than me. At no point was I truly the best at anything.
The only strength that consistently showed up was creativity (though not cleverness, which is different). Over time, I caught glimpses of how my weaknesses could actually be a benefit. Because I was deeply aware of where my limitations were, I also became more conscious of what I could do or couldn't do. Observing situations and other people—especially when I knew I had a weakness—ended up being an advantage in unexpected ways.
The other quote I followed-
“I will learn or die trying.”
→ I pushed myself relentlessly to find answers I could achieve on my own. I had to rely on myself because my trust in others was often misplaced—or they disappeared. Only pushing myself to my breaking point as not to feel 'worthless'. My parents grew me up with the mentality that you never stop working unless you are sent into the hospital. Frequently bragging about how much they could do by limiting what the body needed to function. As a child, that is dangerous in their developmental stages. Since I had no one else as a role model, I sacrificed to be 'productive' and wanted.
Fifteen years of being suicidal, trying to prove that I could handle everything alone with just my own strength and knowledge, left me broken beyond repair. Even so, I never gave up, despite my strongest desire every day being to stop existing. But God kept me alive, and I wanted to see why.
Now, looking back, I realize I had to learn the right lessons and gain the right skills to get to where I needed to be. And at this point… it definitely seems like I am where I’m meant to be.
John and I have been at rock bottom—in the darkest places a person can be. We’ve been treated with disdain, violence, and hatred. We’ve been thrown away, abandoned, and neglected—our existence barely tolerated at best. We’ve experienced physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. We’ve seen firsthand the depths of human cruelty, whether driven by personal malice or something more sinister influencing people’s actions.
Yes, there were a few individuals who showed up along the way—offering words of encouragement or a brief moment of support. But when you’re drowning, an occasional life preserver tossed your way for an hour doesn’t change the fact that you’re still in deep, unrelenting waters.
Now, though, we are extremely grateful for those people. Looking back, we see that God placed them in our path to help us keep going, reminding us that there are still decent and amazing people in this world. We just have to keep looking.
And we’ve learned: Don’t just accept anyone into your life—especially if they cause you harm.
All goodness comes from God. People often say that hell is on earth, but that’s not true. The real hell will have no relief, no beauty, nothing pleasant, no peace, no love, no kindness, no patience—none of the goodness we still experience here.
We see this goodness when we step into nature, away from human chaos, and feel connected to the world around us. That’s evidence that God is still here, that He hasn’t abandoned us.
"Every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord." – James 1:17
You don’t have to agree with me. But all I ask is that every day, you find three things to be grateful for.
They can be small, like “I really love the color of that car.” Or they can be huge, like “I’m so grateful that I am cancer-free!”
Do this every day—but do not repeat anything you’ve mentioned before. If you want, write them down as a reminder. My hope is that you take a moment to rebalance your view of your life and remind yourself of the good that still exists around you.
Yes, there are big problems in the world. But let’s not let them steal the joy from our own lives.
AAHH, I’M DOING IT AGAIN!
I fell down another rabbit hole.
I don't get to talk to people much with John and I always keeping updated on these various topics over the years when we find relevant or possibly connecting information to ponder.
We have so many topics we’d love to dive into with others! We weave together so many backgrounds—Theology, Culture, Physics, Philosophy, Anatomy, Psychology, Sociology, History, Architecture, and more. So, we’re really looking forward to learning from those who join our Christian Craft Group, expanding our understanding with insights from other experts.
You can probably imagine what our household is like with John and me doing this all day—revisiting the same topics over and over since we met. We both go off on lectures or rambles constantly. Which is probably why we don’t talk much when we’re out. We don’t want to talk over people or accidentally “switch off our hearing” as we spiral into conversations that really catch our interest.
We try to avoid lecturing or giving unwanted advice, but we genuinely love sharing what we’ve learned and offering ways to help others improve their lives. So be warned—once you unlock that, the flood of information may be overwhelming! We apologize in advance! LOL
Just know that everything we share comes from a place of caring. We sift through tons of information, hoping to provide the best insights possible. We do care—we’re just not always sure how that comes across!
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Don’t forget our TWO groups every month!
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Geez, that was a lot of rambling. I know I have issues. I’m working on it! xD
Alright, let’s get back on track…
🖌️ Christian Craft Group – March 15th at PPLD 21C from 10:30 AM - 12:30 PM
We’ll be going through the Bible and creating ATCs (Artist Trading Cards) for each verse as our main project, along with other craft projects as our group grows.
🎨 Crafty Card Collective – March 30th at Rainy Day Anime from 11:00 AM - 1:00 PM
A fun and laid-back crafty buffet! Tons of art supplies and creative people coming together to make their own Artist Trading Cards.
Both events are free and open to all backgrounds and ages!
⚠️ A quick note about the Crafty Card Collective:
If you’re bringing younger children, please be mindful that while we do our best to keep the language and topics appropriate, this group has mostly been adults. Occasional slip-ups happen, so please use your own judgment about what’s best for your kids.
ArtSwap!
We joined another fun Art Swap in Fountain with Who Gives a SCRAP! earlier in February. We had a great time chatting with regulars, seeing the sheer volume of art supplies coming in and out, and learning more about the people and the process behind this event. Plus, we got to bring home a fun pile of materials for free! That’s always exciting. We’ve been bringing home less and less, but we still occasionally stumble upon tools or materials we’ve been waiting for—those little unexpected treasures make it all worth it.
I’ve also gotten better at being intentional with what I pick up, being okay with returning items if I don’t use them, or passing them along to people who could benefit from them.
A Personal Realization
Oh boy, I need to talk about something I’ve recently discovered while sorting through these piles of art supplies.
Growing up, I had access to quite a bit of art supplies, but I was so disassociated that I would just sit among them, unable to do anything. Every time I tried to create, it felt like work—like I had expectations to meet and a quota to fill. Because when I showed my parents anything I made, their first response was always:
"Can you sell it?"
That completely changed the way I viewed art. Instead of being something I could experience and enjoy, it became something I had to produce. Some people thrive under that mindset. I thought I could be one of them. I wasn’t.
For me, art is a release—it’s how I process and communicate what’s going on inside of me. But when there's an expectation to make money from it, I can’t relax enough to enjoy the process, let alone create something I love. Ironically, in order to create pieces I would be proud to sell, I have to start without any financial expectations coming from it.
On top of that, those towering piles of supplies were constant reminders of my executive dysfunction—my inability to make decisions, stick to them, or even remember them. I would get overwhelmed, stressed, and shut down completely.
The first time John witnessed this at my parents’ house, I spread everything out, ready to sort and reorganize. And then…I just stared at the wall in front of me for an hour. I didn’t move. He thought I was deep in thought—until he tried speaking to me and I didn’t respond.
I've been making a lot of breakthroughs through this whole process~
Breaking the Cycle
This has been my reality for over twenty years. The same cycle, over and over. But now? I’ve made huge improvements. With the help of meds and a lot of intentional work, I’ve finally come to decisions I can actually keep. A week later, and they’re still sticking!
Now, I see these materials moving through a process. I know where they’re going and what I’ll do with them. I get to use them for myself. I get to curate supplies for specific groups or people. I get to see my childhood chaos unravel and be repurposed, so I can finally move forward.
It’s been such a release—such a relief—to see my once-cluttered boxes transformed into organized groups with intention. Each item now has a purpose and a next step.
For others, this might not seem like a big deal. But for me, hoarding art supplies has been a burden for so long.
Working with Who Gives a SCRAP! has helped me work through this more than they realize.
I used to be obsessed with keeping certain items…but too scared to use them. I had to grow and focus on my desire to see others use these supplies in order to let go. And now? The process is significantly easier.
This is a HUGE step for me! 🎉
Other Art!
John created this card in response to a death in the family. Our brother-in-law passed away, so John wanted to send his sister a special handmade card. He designed everything himself, even creating the file for the tackle box to be cut on his Silhouette machine. At some point, this card design will be available for sale. We hope she likes it—it was made with love and designed as something her husband would have appreciated.
He hand drew, cut out, and glued the little pieces in the tacklebox!
I did some experimenting with paper towels, water, and water-soluble Crayola markers to create this awesome effect. I tried transferring more of the color onto the card using water. I might glue this onto an ATC or a junk journal page—I just thought it turned out really cool!
Another random set of things I made in Feb, mostly for my sister but then I went a little overboard and made tons. So I'll be throwing these in some junk journal kits coming up.
I draw all of them by hand on recycled product boxes and cut them out.
Maybe some will end up in future ATC kits too. Stay tuned!
Creative Roadblocks & Breakthroughs
One of the main reasons I started sorting and cleaning out my craft materials was so I could actually use the supplies I wanted to keep for my own projects.
But here’s something funny (and frustrating): every time I really want to do something creative, it’s like there’s an invisible force preventing me from actually starting—unless there’s a structured reason for it.
For example:
If I go to a craft group where a specific project is the focus, I can dive right in and then continue at home.
But if I have a free day and really want to work on a project, I somehow end up doing everything else instead.
It’s like I won’t allow myself to do something that directly makes me happy unless I’ve “earned” it by finishing other tasks first. But that to-do list never ends—so by that logic, I’d never get that creative time.
Creativity is My Rest
I crave creative rest—it’s not something I can put off or avoid. It’s the only way I can truly relax. If I go too long without it, creativity consumes over 60% of my mental capacity, making even simple things—like eating when I’m starving—frustrating. The need to create overtakes my need to eat, drink, or even use the bathroom. I wish I were exaggerating, but this has been consistent since I was in diapers, and it’s even more apparent now.
So, to help push my materials into actual use and to break free from this cycle, I’ve started turning last year’s planner into a junk journal. I love its format, size, and some of the artwork on its pages—it’s actually encouraging me to go back and work on it!
Quick Tip! ->Find materials and tools that make your project EXCITING. If your pen feels "meh," swap it for one that rolls just right—one that makes you want to write. The right tools make all the difference!
That decision has helped significantly. I’ve finally been using those papers I once thought were too pretty to use—now, they’re part of a project where I can keep them, look at them, and actually say they’ve been used, rather than letting them sit in a pile waiting for assembly.
I also have an ungodly amount of small paper scraps that are perfect for ATCs, but they’ve been stored in oddly shaped containers, making the piles look worse than they actually are. Even with months of condensing, it will still take months to use them all up. The small items we bring to Art Swaps and our events aren’t being used up as quickly as we expected—which is fine! We’re planning to offer employee enrichment craft classes to businesses and groups, which encourages me to keep organizing in preparation for that.
Setting Intentions & Moving Forward
I know I have a habit of assuming when we’ll be able to get things done or when we’ll accomplish certain goals… but we all know that may or may not happen. We’re still working toward a life where our time estimates are more accurate and we can actually stick to them. So, we’ll continue stating our intentions, knowing that each step forward brings us closer to the life we want.
Why no images of this progress? Because I forgot, mostly. 😆 Right now, I’m focusing on cutting down the larger papers for backgrounds first. This will shrink the stacks at home and organize them into sizes for different projects:
A small junk journal for a friend
Prepping small ATC jars for PPLD Makes
Sorting the rest for our Craft Groups & Classes
We’re also keeping an eye out for better storage containers to help us organize, transport, and present everything more efficiently. This process has really boosted our confidence in preparing to host these classes!
Owning Our Worth
For the past two years, we’ve struggled with just feeling comfortable introducing ourselves—let alone stating that we have a business. You might think that’s silly (and yeah, we kinda do too), but when trauma locks you up, it’s not as simple as just “putting yourself out there.” That gap between where we were and where we wanted to be felt like the Grand Canyon.
How weird is it to be afraid to ask for money for a service or product that is literally meant to earn money? A business exists to make money—yet we couldn’t even bring ourselves to charge enough to break even on the materials, creativity, tools, and time we put into it.
Meanwhile, we saw others charging exorbitant prices for something that took them 15 minutes with little effort or care.
But guess what? We’ve passed that hurdle! 🎉 (mostly)
We now have the confidence to ask for our worth. (most of the time)
Sherlock!
Our baby is doing well! She keeps our spirits up just by being her adorable self. Honestly, we keep saying that literally everything she does is cute… well, except for maybe one specific situation. Even when she goes to the bathroom, she turns into a little Dorito. Yep, we call it "Dorito-ing" because of the triangle shape she makes.
Was that too much information? Eh, we find it amusing! 😆 We even use the term for dogs too since they tend to do the same thing. And with how often we see dogs pooping where we live (with people not cleaning up after them), at least using this silly term makes us laugh instead of letting it ruin our day.
Isn’t she adorable? We love her so much!
Winter, Health & Looking Ahead
I think that about covers everything for now. Honestly, our health has been more of a focus than our business lately. Winter is rough—it makes a lot of our issues more intense and obvious. We’ve been spending more time at home, unable to do as much physically, but we’re using this time to plan and prepare for when summer comes. Warmer weather means less pain and more opportunities to get things moving again!
Writing My Story
I know I ramble more than I need to here. But I also want to make sure I share what drives and influences our business. If anyone has advice on how to balance personal storytelling with business updates, I’d love to learn!
Until then, I think this covers enough for now. I’ll try to start next month’s post a little earlier and keep up as time goes on. I’m hoping this will catch on, but it may take a few months to be consistent.
Thanks for bearing with us!
See you in the next post!
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Note:
I write about our life and health struggles, as well as our beliefs shaped by experience, and how they direct our lifestyle. These challenges seep into every aspect of our lives, even how we perceive and experience time.
I want to track our progress in building a business while navigating these struggles. We are two people who were once highly suicidal, never expecting to reach ages 26 and 28—yet here we are. We’ve beaten the odds, built a surprisingly healthy relationship, and are shaping a future that once seemed impossible.
Join us on this journey. See how we approach our struggles and what results we create along the way.
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