Miller July 2025 Monthly Update
- Michelle
- 6 days ago
- 11 min read
Whelp I said I wasn't going to do edits for the blog posts for the next few months...but I kind of need to make sure I'm stating things accurately so I had AI help edit my spelling and grammar mistakes anyway...
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Another month!
This month has been tough—like all the others—but we’ve also been able to rest and create, which has been a great change of pace.
And guess what? I wrote a separate blog post! Even though I just posted it on August 4th, it was actually all written in July. Please read it when you have the time:[[insert link here]]
And on top of that, I made TONS of new ATCs—safe to say it’s been a pretty good July~ ✨
My birthday actually went decently well. I had two days off with nothing scheduled (except our therapy session), so by the second day, I was actually able to unwind.
That’s probably at least five birthdays now that have been decent to great! =D
John’s only plan was to make a great dinner—and it was MARVELOUS.
I’m so blessed and lucky to have someone who can cook—and cooks WELL. ❤️
So, I’m going to try not to get too deep into the mental health, child development, and therapy side of things in this blog. I actually started writing another piece I’ll be posting later about the disability of dissociation.
It covers both of our daily life experiences as adults, shaped and damaged by events since childhood.
How do you return to a state of rest and peace if you never had it in your childhood? Your nervous system is hardwired for survival. There is no “going back” to a time that never existed.
So this year, we’re slowing down and allowing ourselves to recognize our own bodily needs—and to take care of ourselves.
For example, we grew up not being allowed to speak up about our needs—doing so would upset our caregivers. They would call us selfish or make us feel like burdens if we weren’t constantly producing. Because of that, we viewed sleep as an interruption to getting things done and, by extension, to our sense of worth.
A really great video we came across recently hits home. I got 10minutes in and burst out crying. Dr. Ramani nailed it in this video with what I've been struggling with my whole life, and even with multiple therapists helping me:
How narcissistic relationships rewire you
I was hardwired for survival from a young age. Not really knowing what it feels like to be 'out' of survival mode. That also goes the same for John too.
Now, we’re noticing that without sleep, we really can’t do much. Well... at least not for long. We’ll push through for a few hours, then catch a “second wind” and keep going—but still sleep-deprived.
This was our normal for our entire lives. Changing that is a bigger task than most people—including ourselves—would expect. We’re fighting against our own internal wiring and deeply ingrained childhood programming.
I’m feeling more relief as my sessions with my therapist—and now psychiatrist—have validated my experiences based on the symptoms I’m struggling with. Especially since my psychiatrist has recognized that I’m treatment-resistant when it comes to depression. And that I have very strong traits of ADHD brain (which she has and related to personally). So, we’ve been working toward something that could help with three of my major concerns, with minimal side effects. Depression, ADHD, and Sleep!
Can you believe there are some medications that are supposed to help with suicidal tendencies… but also list worsening suicidal thoughts as a side effect?
I’ve been on those—because providers didn’t want to actually pay attention to what I was going through.
When I say “get therapy help”… I do NOT mean psychiatry. That’s a last resort, especially because so many in that field push medications that benefit them (bonuses, incentives), not necessarily the patient. They often don’t care if there are long-term negative effects that stay with the patient long after stopping the medication.
So, for the next four weeks, we’ll be seeing how I respond to this new medication.
I sincerely thank you for your patience with us as we continue learning more about ourselves.
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Oh, and a quick note I’ve been upset about for a while:
Why is it that when you’re applying for disability, if you can make money, they automatically determine that you’re not disabled?
…So if someone was in a coma but had previously built a solid business that keeps running without them, would that still not be considered a disability? Just because money is being made—even if they’re unaware of their surroundings or can’t control their bowels?
The guy who called me to get information about four specific years kept insisting that because I never had a break in pay, I’m not disabled.
._. That’s not how disability works. The ability to make or maintain income does not equate to the absence of disability.
That’s NOT THE POINT!
So…Me being unable to get out of bed because of severe muscle or nerve pain—that’s not disabling?Me being unable to listen to or send messages—even just to check in with my supervisor—that’s not a disability?Me having constant panic attacks just thinking about going to get groceries, to the point where I put off eating for days—isn’t that disabling?Me dissociating for hours every day, unable to stay on task or finish anything—is that not disabling?Me struggling with executive function so badly that I get stuck on one single step for three days straight—is that not a disability?
So, when my husband has to step up more to care for me—because I literally can’t sit, walk, stand, reach, or pick something up—is that not a disability? Even when it happens multiple times a week, if not daily, and has been going on for nearly five years?
HOW do they determine this?
On what definition are they determining 'disability'?
Especially when I have heaps of medical documentation stating that these issues have been going on for years?
I really hate being gaslit by the government.
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Have an adorable shot of Sherlock to help you smile. <3
This month didn’t go as expected.
First of all, we spent a lot of time helping my parents move. We thought we finally had a vehicle we could use to help transport things…
…only to find out the car we bought has so much internal damage it would cost $10,000 to fix.
Obviously, we only paid a fraction of that for the vehicle. But it turns out the risk of the brakes literally falling off due to rust is extremely high. The wheel for the axel is split and could fall off at any time.
Look—I know how to drive, but I don’t know much else about vehicles. That’s not my realm of understanding, nor is it something I’ve ever really cared to learn.
So now we’re looking for yet another vehicle to replace the two bad cars currently in our possession.
We did learn that we really love 2004 Jeeps, especially the amount of space in the back. It was a joy to haul around tons of cardboard in it!
But… it’s not safe and won’t last long.
It happens.
We also had some friends kindly offer us their vehicle to borrow for a few weeks while we figure things out. ❤️
It’s been a slow process this time, mostly because I spent about a week and a half catching up on a whole bunch of medical appointments.
So if you know someone—or happen to see a vehicle that might fit our needs—please message us!
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ATCs
This month I went crazy making ATCs!
Not only did we create some during Sara’s class at Who Gives a SCRAP, but I was also making an average of five cards a day all month. 😅
I did a lot of cleaning up, testing different processes, and started pulling together a class that I can eventually teach anywhere with minimal supplies.
However… my brain keeps jumping from topic to topic and skipping around steps. I’ve been stuck on one step for three days—only to figure it out and then jump to an entirely different project. 😂
But I’d love to share a sneak peek of some of the cards I’ve made!
I have already been handing out some of these cards. I think I'm down to maybe 100 left. But I still have quite a few more strips than what I cut out, waiting to be separated so expect another 300 more!
Trade Display
New kits are released every month!
August’s kit hasn’t been released yet, though—I’ve been sitting in a bit of a daze for the past few days. I’ve seen it on my to-do list multiple times but just haven’t had the mental capacity to work on it.
That said, once I’m able to reset and refresh the display board, there should be tons of new cards up for trade!
Art Swap
The July Art Swap at East Library went so well! It definitely made up for the surprisingly low turnout at 21C.
I grabbed some great materials for current on-hold projects.
We won’t be at the next one in August, but we’ll be back for the September 13th swap at Sand Creek Library!
Upcoming Workshop/Class!
Yes—we have been saying for a while now that we want to host a workshop/class… and we still do!
Now we finally have a general plan, idea, and just enough confidence to make it happen.
It probably won’t roll out until September, since we tend to move slowly, and fighting executive dysfunction has been more difficult than expected. Hoping my new medication will help reduce that struggle.
The problem hasn’t been that we can’t do it—it’s that we have so many ideas we don’t know where to start. That indecision tends to interfere with other creative possibilities. I mean there is a disability in that our plans to get something done could vary from a few hours to a few years. We'll get it done...but when?
So, if I begin with this style, halfway through I might suddenly want to change everything… and that can confuse me, frustrate me, or embarrass me enough to just shut down and toss the whole thing aside.
After plenty of time going over this idea and testing different aspects of it, I’m finally working on prepping all the materials to be ready to roll out.
We’re slowly gaining the confidence to actually do something with the skills and insights we’ve collected. Now we’re just waiting for our time and health to catch up so we can take action.
We’ll be making these cute and quick Artist Trading Cards!
I call them Scrap-Tape ATCs~ Very similar to the Clear-Tape ATC method.
They’ll start as long, artsy strips and then be cut into multiple ATCs. I have an almost sure-fire process for making cards you’ll love every time! This approach also allows you to pick out a few favorites to keep—and hopefully have some extras to trade with others.
The method is very similar to making a masterboard and cutting out ATCs from that.
These are going to be a LOT of fun, and I’m so excited to see what people create during our workshop!
Just FYI: These workshops will include a therapeutic process element—they're not just your average "make and take" craft event.
We are going to try and host one at Who Gives a SCRAP within the next two months!
Other Art
This month, we worked on putting together an outfit for my little sister to wear to the Renaissance Faire this year! It was a surprising, last-minute project, but we’re so happy we got to spend that time with her and help her have a great experience with her friends.
Look at her in her outfit—doesn’t she look so cool? =D
She had a blast, and it sounded like she got quite a few compliments on her outfit too! John made the cape and pauldron from scratch—he learned a lot of new skills just to complete them. The bag was one of John’s old hip bags that we repurposed into a leafy pouch she could wear and carry things in. I helped find and purchase the two shirts, leather top, pants, accessories, and bow. We all worked together on the potion bottles that hung on her other hip. Sadly, she said one of them broke before she even got there.
She also added leaves to the bow, but since it was so hot, the leaves ended up melting off.
Even though it was really hot, she wanted to keep everything on to show off the full look. She came over early that morning for breakfast and for help getting dressed. We also made sure she took our best water bottle—the one that keeps drinks cold (or hot) for almost a full day.
Crazy side story: We once put hot tea in that bottle, went out for 2–3 hours, came back home, stuck it in the fridge, then took a 4-hour nap. When we woke up and checked it—the tea was still hot!
So, for her trip, we filled it with ice and water—and she said it stayed cold for basically the entire day. We’re really glad we were able to provide something that helped her stay safe and cool.
Honestly, we did good, didn’t we? John and I are quite proud of being able to pull something like this together.
Also, John can now add to his skills of being able to make a Pauldron and a Cape. If you are looking to purchase one, he can make it for you!
...And we realized something: somehow, we cannot seem to do this kind of thing for ourselves, but we’ll trip over ourselves to help others accomplish what we always wanted to do. With this event, we’re hoping it opens up a chance for us to finally work on our own outfits to wear for next year!
Art Therapy (not ™) with Sara!
We participated in Sara’s Art Therapy (not ™) class at Who Gives a SCRAP! She’s been practicing an art therapy modality that she wants to use with her future therapy clients, and invited a small group of us to help test it out.
We joined her for three sessions alongside five other participants. Here are some photos of what we created:
She goes over the therapeutic process that addresses negative core beliefs and a great activity to grasp this. Highly recommend trying her class! Everyone, even John and I who know quite a bit about mental health and therapy in general, still got quite a bit out of this on a personal level.
If you’re interested in joining the class yourself, she’ll be hosting it again in September!
Sara’s class also inspired me and helped clarify what I would or wouldn’t want to do in my own workshops. (And when I say “not do,” I don’t mean she did anything wrong—just that some of the things that worked for her wouldn’t be a great fit for my goals, so I’d need to adjust them.)
Overall, we loved it and truly enjoyed the company of the new people we met!
Made Pins at the Library!
Did you know you can make 10 free pins per day at the PPLD Library? And that’s per machine!
They have both a large and a small pin-making machine, which means you can make 20 free pins a day!
We had fun with this and made a bunch of pins, many of which are going into our Freebie Tray for future events.
Blog Writing
Again, please check out my other blog post I posted recently!
I think that's all I got for now. August suddenly came fast...with Medicaid messing up AGAIN, suddenly saying I'm not covered for behavioral health? What!?
I'm in a completely different Tax Bracket due to being a Caregiver to my husband and yet they still don't seem to understand that!! Meaning I can go slightly above the max income floor of poverty because what I make is to cover TWO people. Because of that, I make enough for about $900 per person per month. How is that NOT living in poverty?
Frustrating. But that's government. Hoping things will clear up soon.
Have a great week and thanks for reading! See you in the next blog post~
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