Miller February 2026 Monthly Update
- Michelle
- Mar 9
- 18 min read
I started writing this very early in March and had 11 minutes worth of reading completed. Except now it's been a week and so much has changed. With less energy than before, I thought I would do a more simplified version.
I tend to expect way too much of myself that is literally impossible to do, even if you were the healthiest, most put-together person there is. Yet I have have a ridiculous amount of health concerns and am taking care of John's as his caregiver. Meaning I am needing to learn how to be more reasonable with what I can do with where my health is at. So let's try this again.
This month was difficult. Most of it was spent recovering from various things: John got sick which took him out for a week, we had a lot of periods meeting with people, therapy can hit really hard sapping our strength for the next 24 hours, to struggling with getting more than 3hrs of sleep a night. One of the hardest months for us so far and our sleep.
If you see me, I may be mostly dazed out with limited critical thinking and low capacity to recall in my memory. So thank you for being patient with us as we try our best.
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We haven't gotten out home together entirely for guests. I kind of forgot that usually the first month of unpacking you are still finding things and seeing over the course of a few days whether you want it there or not. Some things have helped our home feel more like a home while others felt more like a hinderance and roadblock. There is also the small issue of haven't been able to find and get a fitting lamp for either our office or front room. So for the past two months we have just be bringing this ridiculous thing back and forth.
To be fair, the front room gets pretty well lit during the day when the sunshine streams in. So we try to spend our days absorbing the warm rays. During the afternoon/evening we head over to the office to get to work. If we really can't stand being in that room much, then we bring the lamp over to stay in the other room.
An odd challenge for us goes against a lot of what was taught or is shoved down our throats in media everywhere: "How much more can you do at the same time!?" We are wearing ourselves out the moment we wake up...for me that is up to THREE hours before my alarm goes off. I snap awake and then have a wave of anxiety hit me for everything that needs to be done and the time range it takes to complete. Such as the washer takes X amount of time and needs to be moved over within 2 hours to make sure it doesn't smell with another 45mins to an hour to be completed. If we needed to make sure we have clean clothes when we need it, I have to consciously calculate about when during the day I can get this done while in the middle of many other tasks. Jumping from task to task while i wait.
I think I'm getting somewhere with this hold on. I've been so sleep deprived for so long that I'm not 100% coherent all the time. Thank you for your patience with me. EMDR is resurfacing many nightmares and possible memories so rest is very minimal and fleeting.
The mental overload on having to keep track of everything is maddening. John heavily relies on me to get things done at a certain time. It's not that he can't do the tasks, It's the initiation, follow through, and timing of said activities that he relies on me for.
Not that I'm entirely great at it because I have to consciously go through each step of filter. Meaning exhaustion the moment I wake up. My alarm doesn't go off until 7 am for clock in. So I'll be awake from 3am-7am until John wakes up. John usually has issues falling asleep and manages to fall asleep about 1am-2pm. We have an odd sleep schedule. My best sleep can only happen during the day. But it's just a higher probability of happening, not that it is a guarantee.
I explained that to get to this point: In order to undo this 20yr suffocating discipline that has now physically harming my body...I need to NOT jump into anything first thing in the morning.
The expectations are painful. Not just the fear of failure or angering others, but with Pathological Demand Avoidance as a comorbidity for Autism...this becomes a barrier you cannot get passed even when you are focused on it and WANTING it to be done but not able to do anything. There are times when I know I'm hungry and I can feel it, but it has been 'numbed' due to not being ready to transition into the next activity. Because when you take those steps, then there are MORE expectations set upon you at that next stage. It's a lot of mental shifting (as well as the feel of physical shifting) that discombobulates my system. It can turn a casual hunger into nausea preventing me from eating for hours past when I needed to. A lot of mine struggles are probably emphasized due to my parent's authoritarian method of parenting.
Though I can reason why I feel a certain way and the importance of it, even on days that shouldn't have high demands start off as if there are MORE demands than scheduled days.
My mom would take us on vacations and literally the next morning after a long journey there, she would insist we rise early to get breakfast then go out and DO things. No no. Vacation is meant for REST. Which now interferes with my ability to separate WORK from REST. To me...rest is a waste of time unless I'm doing something. But then that undermines the 'rest' part of resting.
That was our childhood though. That was what was pushed on us as young adults being called 'lazy' and 'undisciplined'. When really we were both trying to make sense of what happened to us by dangerous adults and our growing bodies adjusting to that. Then being called 'bad children' when our behaviors were literally cries for help.
I grew up being called 'crazy' because I was supposed to be silent about my uncle sexually assaulting me. I have never felt safe in my body. And still with my therapist she is very concerned because it sounds like I have NEVER felt safe in my own body. I was sexualized before I knew what sex even was. Some of the comments I got or heard should NOT be around younger children. There is research supporting that sex introduced too early to children can and WILL reform their brains. This was studied in children before the age of 11.
What concerns me is the truth we found: Children that were sexually abused (exposed to anything related to sex before the appropriate age), changes the brain as if giving a child cocaine. Some children grow up to be hypersexual (needing sex all the time and confusing sex for love) while there are others that become hyposexual (the ones who are more adverse and avoid sex). Then there is the societal acceptance of 'some people just need more sex'. Yes but WHY? There are a lot of healthy human behaviors that become deviations that are NOT beneficial.
Hear me out for a quick side note. When I am talking about people and health or states of being, I am focusing on the well-being, sustainability, and longevity of the body and mind. I am not trying to make any judgements about their moral compass.
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I've been noticing a bit more of some general accusations going around in almost every field. Hopefully at one point I can go into my findings of Passed Down Generational Knowledge and Skills as well as the Generational Life Investments of everything we have today.
Can I go into it? Well I'm gonna.
So there is more recent research about how skills learned and improved by your ancestors get passed down. Which is kind of the same with your tastes, they aren't all your choice but from generation of choices before you. Depending on your ancestors, you may crave a different form of carbs: Rice, Bread, or Potatoes. John and I encounter this a lot with my preferences always liking to have Rice on the side (not that I don't love the others but comfort food that doesn't react as badly with me.) Same with even professions of your past relatives. Your family name will have a lot of insight on that as well. So take for example John's side of the family. His family were Millers, Brewers, and Celler Keepers. John shows a lot of interest, skills, and ability to pick things up quickly when it comes to cooking/baking, brewing, and preserving foods.
If they invested decades of time improving their knowledge and skill and THEN have a child, that gets passed down through your genes. You may not get a miraculous genius talent, but you will be more like to be interested and much easier to increase your skill for those areas.
Think of those idle games where you level up until you can purchase the "reborn" option and start over but with extra perks to improve things quicker.
It's like that. But over the course of a lifetime.
And not your lifetime. But for your following generations.
So keeping that in mind with just maybe YOUR lineage...this is true for literally every person you see walking around you for their lineage.
This is also true for anything you see around you that was established before your time. Generations have focused on each small step to make it where we are today.
Even policies and regulations put in place in government are the same. Not saying they are perfect and live up to their original intention in the current era. But a lot of those started with multiple lives working together to build something. Put it in place. Observe changes in society and make adjustments as needed. Many of those people pulling from data of others who invested their lives into some other aspect that happens to overlap.
This is also where pulling from research from many angles is important. The truth is the truth regardless of who says it. So it will either uphold the test of time, or fall apart when new research attacks the info from a different angle.
But just pulling a handful of research papers to support YOUR step is also relying on generations and lives who dedicated their time to this advancement.
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I'm rambling again aren't I?
Well it happens. Apparently every time. So just time to expect this as a norm. I hope to be able to write during the month but so much is going on and I'm still struggling with executive functioning that my therapist is trying to help get my stuff in order to lessen the overwhelming list I made for myself.
Especially the part where I've been trying to schedule with a psychiatrist for the past 4 months to help with my ADHD and I still haven't gotten to it. I tend to put too much on my plate...so she is minimizing it and expecting me to finish only THREE specific items per week.
Then now there is the issue with local government denying my medicaid because I 'make too much' even though I'm on a caregiver exemption. Paperwork we have filled out and sent in frequently. With evidence of me being his caregiver for almost THREE years now.
Frustrating.
Oh and Foodstamps is still taking money from us. They 'claimed' they sent us a certain amount and are taking money from our monthly payments to pay themselves back. Except all deposits are recorded by a third party and we can see the amounts going in and out. We have given them this documentation and even after 3 months, they aren't doing anything.
Goodie. More local government issues.
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We had a Craft Fair at Who Gives a SCRAP this last Saturday! It went really well and had a lot of fun showing off our newest artwork. These will be quarterly for Employees and Volunteers to show off and sell their crafts.
Oh! We got a sticker maker and cutter! This little doodad is AMAZING and we want to do a post on it specifically. We will show off and share more info about this tool while selling some of our sticker designs of artwork we created over the years. This thing is very affordable for what it does. If you are looking to start a sticker business or have something to make fun quick stickers, this is IT!
I have made over 20 designs already, some taking as little as 15minutes to prepare!
I experimented with making meme stickers, using illustration assets from Canva to start and those went smoothly. Those are the first 4 from the top. Everything else is either our handmade art or photos that we personally took. This is a great way for us to share our variety of art to others!
Middle row, 4th from the left is John's papercut stamp art! He has almost completed all 12 of his designs for a full set. Now John is going to work on a set of Cryptids specifically. If you are interested in Cryptids, make sure to follow us to keep up, or message directly if you are really wanting a specific one to be created. So far he has Baby Blue, Wendigo, and Sasquatch. He has a huge list of ones he wants to do, but if you are wanting to purchase any of them, let us know so he can work on those designs first!
Fun stuff. Will share more on this in a bit.
Or send us a message directly and we will go over it all with you as soon as we can!
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March is going to have the first Art Swap with WGAS on the 28th so bring your unused and lightly used art supplies to be traded for other stuff!
We will be there if health allows.
Unfortunately the last paper day we wanted to go but John was still sick so it was better I stayed home. You know things are bad when I have to take over making meals.
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What else? This year has been a bit wild and unplanned so far due to the move.
ATC kits were kind of on hold. I have dropped off at least 40 kits at the store with hopes to make more in the next two weeks.
We are excited that when we have a studio there, I can keep up with the trade display better and include more kits. Wouldn't it be fun to also have a special trade display with us in our studio if we are open for some very detailed and unique cards to trade for? Lots of ideas planned for when this happens!
John and I went to a studio interview to see if we would be a good fit for a soon-to-be-open studio coming up. Since there was a waitlist, if there were multiple people who fit the criteria, then it becomes first come first serve which worked for us. We weren't ready for that so soon.
Someone else fit the criteria as well and were higher up on the list so they automatically got the location. We are very close to getting the next one that opens up!
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Not entirely relevant in the business sense but I came across and AMAZING book from the library while waiting for another fun book.
Keep in mind when I say 'fun book' it'll probably be a psychology book.
Which they both are.
The one that I am thrilled about is called "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" by Tony Attwood. This book of information was released in 2008 and explains SO MUCH of my life struggles growing up.
If you wanted to know more about Asperger's, which is now the lower end of the Autism spectrum, this IS the book to go to. To say gleefully over and over the past few days of how well the information is presented, the accurate portrayed examples, the careful choices of words and terms that aren't overly clinical but give direct specifications to what is occurring. I keep telling John all the fun parts I come across and how relatable they are or fitting based on our experiences and observations.
I highly HIGHLY recommend this book.
This is how my brain worked and how I processed the world!! I'm so excited to find something so precisely fitting after all this time!
All this info was started to be discovered since 1981! With High Functioning Autism being used since 1984. It's strange that the Autistic community doesn't like the term "High Functioning" whereas for me and John we absolutely love using that term because it states a term of being. It's nothing about your worth or moral standing. It's just if you are able to self-sufficiently and sustainably be able to follow through with these set activities or criteria.
So if you do use any of those terms with us (and don't mean it in a condescending or derogatory way), then it's perfectly fine with us. We take it as, if you have a problem with it...then you have the problem with it. Seems like a personal thing.
We don't feel like we fit in with the Autistic community, even though we relate very well with Autistics. I.e. a lot of the content creators we watch either are Autistic/Aspergers, have ADHD, or have some level of (C)PTSD. It's just a different world of language we speak and understand.
Wish you could see and hear how often John and I say things moments before the person we are watching states it. Our brain processing is very noticeably different.
Very strange.
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I was supposed to have things scheduled and planned in March but February has been tough with the aversion to talking to people. John is still covering most of the conversations but it hit that having to talk to others and listen to them (and remember the details they said) was just too much. Not that I didn't want to, but it was like pushing through a foggy molasses to complete one sentence. I was quite zoned out in Feb that even talking or listening to John was difficult.
So there isn't much besides our
Christian Craft Group at our place every Second Saturday from 11am-1pm.
Crafty Card Collective at Rainy Day Anime every Second Sunday from 11am-1pm.
We will have an ATC table on Friday the 27th of March at WGAS. I believe we are aiming for 11-1pm so swing by for some fun free craft time!
Our last Artist Trading Card Event went very well. John brought more Game Boy shaped ATCs for people to use and I brought a few meme expressive figures. As you can see from these photos, we had a lot of fun!
I'm holding John's ATC that he made. He's the one taking the picture for us!
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I do want to add some recommendation items we have come across!
Starting with a few videos that I came across:
Turn Off This Parasite on Every Phone! Developers Don’t Want You to Know This by Android Man
There are three things you should check your phone that are clicked 'off'! Even if you had done this at some point, make sure you check almost monthly. John had done 1 of the 3 and when he went to check, the phone had updated since that last time and turned itself back on!!
The Markiplier Episode | Lemonade Stand 🍋 by Lemonade Stand
This interview became more and more fascinating the more we listened to it. For those of you who don't know, Markiplier is a very well known YouTuber who is almost YouTubes 'Golden Egg' and has been prominent since almost the beginning of the website. From an immature skit maker and gamer, to now a #1 Filmmaker in America as well as in other countries with his recent release "Iron Lung" based off of an Indie game that came out a couple years ago. This interview goes a bit more into the hard work that he has had to push through to accomplish this.
Some information we didn't even hear on his channel when he rambles to his audience while playing games. Did you know that when he approached AMC about having his film in their theaters they were originally thinking of only putting them in THREE.
He was absolutely right that the number was insultingly low. Not just for Markiplier but for his fans and audience that have supported him for, some, almost more than a decade. People were willing to drive TWO hours to get to a theater that showed his movie. It quickly rose to over 4000 different locations.
I go into that just to say this (because this is what John and I like to focus on a lot) is the progress some people are able to make while picking a path they love. One of his friends made this statement basically saying that Markiplier is one of the dumbest smart people you'll ever meet. He will quickly go from a bumbling idiot that doesn't seem to know anything to suddenly be at the other end SCHOOLING everyone else at a masterful level. It's absolutely bonkers how he is able to pull this off so well.
Which also goes into how much he learned VFX on his own after interning with Corridor Crew. One of the best budding VFX studios out there who are even supported by THE biggest Visual Effect Studios like ILM or WetaFX. A lot of those artists are huge fans of Corridor Crew for their level of skill, understanding, passion, and professionalism when it comes to this side of the movie making industry.
Markiplier was an intern there having one of the wildest crossovers for online fans everywhere.
You may not care too much of what was said, but this is a HUGE ripple for small indie movie makers to prove that they CAN make excellent world-wide loving movies and they should be accepted in local theaters.
The difference between Markiplier and other big YouTubers like Mr. Beast is the type of person they are and who they are to their audience. Mr. Beast can make videos that will get high clicks and go viral...but people are excited about his channel for his videos...not necessarily for him. It's not as personal. It's not as careful. I mean just look at a lot of the business ventures he has tried. A lot of the products put out have been barely vetted by Mr. Beast. He doesn't check the quality of ingredients or the care of services to support his brand.
He is a brand.
Markiplier is a personable leader. I say this because of how he talks to his audience and encourages them. Years ago he would release such heartfelt messages thanking his followers with such sincerity you couldn't help but cry in connection. He has frequently put himself out there to lead charity events to encourage others to donate to help others. Many times he would match donations given to increase the final amount. He's willing to put himself out on the line to inspire others to help others. And his audience really feels that.
So when he asked people to go donate blood, either before or during the first showing of Iron Lung and there was an overwhelming attendance of those showing up to participate. Even though they wouldn't get anything. Their incentive was being a part of something Markiplier led, knowing that what they were doing was helping others.
Oh and it added a nice caring touch to see the next stream that Markiplier himself had gone to donate blood too. He leads by example. Walking along side his audience.
I know it sounds very...praise-like for Markiplier. But it's been a fascinating journey watching him and his audience grow the past almost 8 years we have been watching him. Prior to that, i honestly couldn't STAND him. Too much yelling and screaming. Now, it's a LOT less. Not entirely, but a lot less. Getting older does mean less energy to scream all the time.
Ok I'm done with this one. Sorry for the ramble, but it was such a long build of respect that he has gained from us over the years. He character has really shown through his consistency.
Before You Set Your Prices, Watch This! by Luxury Academy
A VERY Fascinating short 4 minute video about setting your prices and being confident in them. Since we had our first Art Show meeting with the Art Committee for TRE, we were discussing the next steps of pricing and presenting the artwork. Came across this gem a few days later which is also a great time for me and John to consider for our future business steps.
If you are looking to have a business selling a product or selling a service, take some time to watch this. You'll greatly appreciate the insight!
Every Jewellery Metal Ranked (Some Are Terrible) by Mason Mignanelli
This video just came out and we became more interested in it than we thought. Granted, this YouTuber puts out excellent work. Not just the jewelry making or the understanding of the science of metals and alloys....but also the way he presents his videos. Very informative and definitely information we are going to keep in mind for our future jewelry or projects. Some of these would surprise you and save you tons of money.
The TV-Star Who Outperformed Elite Athletes By Back Guy
Ever come across a video you thought "huh that looks somewhat familiar...I'm slightly curious so I'll just skim through it and only watch about 10 seconds of it"? Have you? Because that's the thought I had seeing this. This dude's life ended up being more fascinating and impressive that it downright should be! It's only 8 minutes long but for a huge look at the past in how he had a big impact in creating children' content that became popular world-wide! Highly HIGHLY recommend you watch this. There are so many interesting people out there that need to be known. It makes the world so much grander and full of spontaneous wonder.
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Oh another thing I made last month were birthday card for my younger siblings!! I designed these myself, the only part I borrowed from others were how to doodle certain expressions. I didn't get to show these last month but now both of them have their cards so I can show them off here!
I absolutely love how these turned out. I am thinking of making these a kit you can print out, color cut out, glue together and make from home!
This year will be a lot of turning our art and projects into classes for you to be able to make for yourself! These bring me a lot of joy and hope they will for many others too.
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Well this is the update we got for now. I'm trying to focus on getting the website more fully fleshed out and functional this year. Every month I'll be working on only a few pages to make sure I can get everything done and proudly functioning. If you haven't noticed already, the home page, the about us, and about me (Michelle) has been newly updated. John's side is next and then we will be going into more of a personal page if you'd like to read various interesting specifics about us. Then you'll be able to see the web of constellations that has influenced us and makes us who we are!
Would love to challenge others to do the same once we get this started.
So thank you for stopping by and reading up on how we are doing. Hope that you have a wonderful month and would love to see you during some event soon!
Thanks for reading!
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Side note: I did not use AI this round to edit and fix spelling/grammar mistakes. Was this one easier to read or more difficult to read? I am going to see if there are a few things that stand out to you. I came across something in that Asperger's book that I may struggle with: SPLD or Semantic Pragmatic Language Disorder. I will need to talk with some speech therapists in ABA to help me with this difficulty. I finally have a direction for help on this! YAY!
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