Expert Conditions Consultant

Both of us suffer from disassociative disorders which interferes significantly with regular life. Due to neglect and trauma, our default response is to completely check out of reality and sometimes we don't realize it has occurred until hours later. It's not that our mind has gone off to daydream, it has completely shut off. So we have to be very aware of each other's state to keep us in reality as much as possible. We are also quite knowledgable in DID (Disassociative Identity Disorder).

PTSD are one-time truamatic events. cPTSD is complex PTSD, meaning that there were multiple traumatic events consistently to where there was no escape. So many behaviors formed as children were coping mechanisms born specifically to survive those situations. It also means there is usually no 'prior self' that can be returned to. i.e. you can't go back to a 'peaceful' state when you never had peace in all your years of childhood. 

Both of us suffer from Insomnia which usually goes hand-in-hand with PTSD. We rarely ever get the amount of sleep we need and wake frequently due to nightmares nightly. For over 7 years now we have worked on surviving with about one to two nights a month that gives us 'rest'. Each day we wake from either Tired to Exhausted to Fatigued meaning we require naps during the day to keep going. We wake up around 3am-5am and cannot fall asleep until about 11:30pm. No matter how many times we try.

It's a different playing field when you are in constant pain and exhaustion. You cannot count on recovering each night or keep your hopes up you'll be even rested. You don't even know how your health will be until that morning when you awake to see how bad the night will impact your day. You know the saying 'when life gives you lemons'? Well, we have too many lemons and we are drowning. You can only stay positive for so long. 

Both of us have been in severe depression while hitting suicidal states quite frequently. Both of us have made attempts, both of us have had constant thoughts of suicide, both of us have been hospitalized and both of us have lived in this state for over a decade. On top of that....both of us have worked hard OUT of that pit. 

We both suffer from severe anxiety due to growing up rarely feeling safe. On top of that going through so many violent situations have just reinforced our fears over and over (& we are talking about over decades of reinforcement every week to every few months). We will basically starve for 3 days to avoid going to the store. Any interaction with people can drain us to collapse within 30 mins. This significantly affects our lifestyle and how we live.